how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
