she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
