good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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