I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
