I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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