It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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