You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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