It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
