Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
