If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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