Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
