honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize