Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
