i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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