oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just pee around me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
