But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
