You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
