your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
