Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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