The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
