What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am available for nakedness
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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