It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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