Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
