apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
