long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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