Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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