Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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