Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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