I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
