Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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