We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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