You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
