i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
