also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
