Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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