It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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