Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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