Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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