omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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