forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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