My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
