Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
not ubering you a puppy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize