a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
