I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
