Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize