Jerry, you need to find god
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My dick has a subreddit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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