I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
