what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
