I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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