I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
