Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
