So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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