Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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