Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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