The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
