his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
3pm strippers are depressing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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