ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

  Fav 11 830 4554

  share tweet
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

  Fav 6 3509 1273

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

  Fav 0 1569 974

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

  Fav 11 4955 1498

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  That boy needs some memories to take back home with him

  Fav 4 1434 618

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am

  Fav 14 683 1730

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.

  Fav 4 1095 623

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.

  Fav 6 786 498

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

  Fav 1 627 488

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old

  Fav 2 504 749

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.

  Fav 2 451 185

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (785): View more from Kansas

  plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together

  Fav 2 59 19

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".

  Fav 1 21 61

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why are male brains so small?

  Fav 0 14 39

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?

  Fav 0 34 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize