the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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