o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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