well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
