Who wears a wallet chain?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
