I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize