Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
