Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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