Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
