Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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