after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
zippers are such a cool invention
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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