her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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