Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
