ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
