Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
