Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
