did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
