So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
