I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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