i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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