I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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