you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
