Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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