so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
