Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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