The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
