is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
