he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
