Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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