Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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