he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
