i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize