i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
