I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
