looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
