and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
