I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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