haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
