I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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