I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
